and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize