It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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