she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
