Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
