My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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