A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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