white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
