How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
