I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
