Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
