Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
