God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
