That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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