You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
