I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
this will be a night to untag.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
