It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize