conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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