And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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