Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
