laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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