Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
