why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
