yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
