Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
