goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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