he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
