I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
