Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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