We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your cock deserves a montage
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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