i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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