Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
