one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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