You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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