I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
