My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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