i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
