that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize