I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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