Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
