I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
