So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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