Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
