my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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