K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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