i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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