what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
