I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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