He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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