I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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