When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
