I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When are your genitals available?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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