come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize