my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
