sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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