I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You took a bar mat shot.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm like, not good at living.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
