I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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