shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
