I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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