He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
