those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
