i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
