Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
