ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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