If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize