I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
