if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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