I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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