he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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