I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
