I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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