are you so shy because you have an std?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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